100 Ways to Say "No" to Narcissistic or Toxic Family (when you're anxious or frozen!)

I would copy these and put them on the NOTE app in your phone... there are times when it is too hard to know what to say in the moment but if you have 1-2 lines you memorize or can look at in the moment, it can be helpful for when your mind draws a blank and your anxiety kicks in.

All we want to do is buy yourself enough time to calm down, think straight & figure out what you want to do. 

Usually you will go into some sort of FREEZE and the way to work with that is to recognize that you just need time to zone out, breathe or excuse yourself to let your body calm. You can always say "give me a minute" or ask a follow up question to keep them talking while you breathe and gather your thoughts.

1. I'm not willing to discuss this.

2. That doesn't work for me.

3. No, thank you.

4. I'm going to pass.

5. I've made my decision.

6. I'm not changing my mind.

7. I need some time to think about it.

8. I'll let you know if that changes.

9. I'm not available.

10. I have other plans.

11. I'm choosing to do something different.

12. I'm not comfortable with that.

13. That topic isn't open for discussion.

14. I'm not discussing my personal life.

15. I don't owe an explanation for my decision.

16. I hear you, and my decision remains the same.

17. I understand you disagree.

18. You're entitled to your opinion.

19. We see this differently.

20. I don't need you to agree with me.

21. I'm ending this conversation.

22. I'm going to hang up now.

23. If you continue speaking to me this way, I'll leave.

24. I'm not willing to be yelled at.

25. I'll continue this conversation when we can both speak respectfully.

26. I'm taking a break from this conversation.

27. I'm going to step away now.

28. This conversation is no longer productive.

29. I won't continue if I'm being insulted.

30. I'm not available for conflict right now.

31. I won't tolerate being spoken to that way.

32. I expect to be treated respectfully.

33. I won't engage with name-calling.

34. I won't accept criticism disguised as concern.

35. That comment was hurtful, and I'm not continuing this conversation.

36. I won't participate in gossip about other family members.

37. I'm not comfortable discussing them behind their back.

38. I won't defend myself against accusations that aren't true.

39. I don't need to justify myself.

40. I'm not responsible for your feelings.

41. Your emotions are yours to manage.

42. I can't fix this for you.

43. I'm not able to help with that.

44. I'm not taking that on.

45. I'm not available to be in the middle.

46. Please leave me out of this.

47. I won't choose sides.

48. I'm not responsible for keeping the peace.

49. I won't mediate this conflict.

50. I need to prioritize myself right now.

51. I won't be discussing my finances.

52. I'm not sharing details about my relationship.

53. My parenting choices are not up for debate.

54. My medical decisions are private.

55. I'm keeping that information to myself.

56. That's personal.

57. I'd rather not talk about that.

58. I'm not discussing my healing journey.

59. That's between me and my therapist/coach.

60. I'm keeping those details private.

61. I'm not available this holiday.

62. We'll be celebrating differently this year.

63. That doesn't fit into my schedule.

64. We won't be attending.

65. We'll let you know if we're able to make it.

66. I'm choosing to spend the holiday at home.

67. I'm limiting visits right now.

68. A shorter visit works best for me.

69. I'll be leaving by ___.

70. I'm only available for an hour.

71. I need some space right now.

72. I'm taking a break from communication.

73. I'll reach out when I'm ready.

74. I won't be responding to messages for a while.

75. I need distance to focus on my well-being.

76. This relationship needs some boundaries.

77. I'm reducing contact at this time.

78. I'm choosing not to engage.

79. Silence does not mean agreement.

80. My boundary is not negotiable.

81. I understand you're upset.

82. I can see this is difficult for you.

83. I hear that you're disappointed.

84. I know this isn't what you wanted.

85. Even so, my answer is still no.

86. I understand, and my decision hasn't changed.

87. You don't have to like my boundary for me to keep it.

88. I know you're unhappy with my choice.

89. I'm okay with you disagreeing.

90. I trust myself to make this decision.

91. I am no longer willing to participate in this pattern.

92. Things are going to look different moving forward.

93. I need relationships that feel respectful and reciprocal.

94. I won't sacrifice my well-being to keep others comfortable.

95. Protecting my peace is important to me.

96. I'm choosing what's healthiest for me.

97. I'm allowed to say no.

98. No is a complete sentence.

99. My needs matter, too.

100. I don't need permission to set boundaries.

A reminder for scapegoats: Boundaries aren't about controlling other people. They're about deciding what you will and won't participate in.

Need more support? We can always work on the relationships in your life & how they trigger you in your life in a SESSION.